Don’t Even Try to Put All This Together


Clinton, South Carolina, Thursday, August 23, 2018, 10:11 a.m.

By Monte Dutton

Two days ago, I ate at KFC for the first time since the horrible commercials started. I bought a three-piece, Original Recipe, Big Box Meal. It was all dark meat. I like white meat.

I deserved that.

Why do I hold silly commercials against restaurants where people work hard to make a modest living?

I’m still not quite ready to go to Sonic again. I feel badly about it.


When I’m on assignment, I’ve grown fond of taking notes on small notepads. I think it’s because, early in the morning, I watch too many Columbo reruns. I use a pen instead of a pencil, though.

That Barney Rubble. What an actor.

The only baseball team in the big leagues that has not lost at least four games in a row during the season is the Boston Red Sox. Last night they clobbered the Indians at Fenway to stop the bleeding at three. The lead over the Yankees is nine again. All is well, at least until the getaway afternoon game today.

Monte Dutton photo

I won’t belabor this point because many people do not root for the Red Sox.

As you may have suspected, I do on account of my late father, Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, Bill Lee, Fred Lynn, Jerry Remy, Jim Rice, Jim Lonborg, Dwight Evans, Nomar Garciaparra, Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, Mike Timlin, Dustin Pedroia, Mookie Betts, Jackie Bradley Jr., and Andrew Benintendi.

At least.

One reason the Red Sox won last night was undoubtedly the fact that Yaz turned 79. Undoubtedly.

Here in town, it’s the Clinton-Laurens game. Up the road, it’s the Laurens-Clinton game. My policy is writing the home team last, so, this year, it’s the Laurens-Clinton game because it is at Wilder Stadium.

It’s Friday night.

Both teams made the playoffs but not much else last year. Neither looked like a juggernaut in preseason scrimmages.

For a night, it won’t matter. The old grounds will be packed. I played in this game when they were new grounds. Was that only yesterday, or was it 43 years ago?

It depends on how you measure.


The Barrie Jarman Adventures (Gabe Whisnant photo)

If you become a patron of mine, you’re supporting writing like this as well as my mostly NASCAR blogs at If you’ve got a few bucks a month to spare, click here.

Another way I cobble out a living is with my books, a wide variety of which is available for sale here.

(Steven Novak cover)


The new novel, my eighth, is called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Lightning in a Bottle is now available in an audio version, narrated by Jay Harper.


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