Frying the Morning Spam

I chose this sketch because it reminds me that I haven't played my song "Scuppernongs and Muscadines" lately. (Monte Dutton sketch)
I chose this sketch because it reminds me that I haven’t played my song “Scuppernongs and Muscadines” lately. (Monte Dutton sketch)

Clinton, South Carolina, Thursday, February 16, 2017, 10:20 a.m.

One of my daily duties is to delete spam comments from my websites, and Occasionally, one of them suggests:

Manual blogging is so troublesome. You can remedy this. Click here.

By Monte Dutton
By Monte Dutton

I’m afraid to click. As a general rule, no good can come of it. If I did, though, and if a virus didn’t immediately become annoyed at how little money could be instantly transferred from my accounts, it might be possible for me to post automatically such dazzling prose as:

Problems specified as dandruff are forgivable, but suitable looks are commonly the solution of majuscule desire and aid profitable to private covering.

If that sentence alone would not bring my words to millions, then perhaps I could automatically generate this:

Demonstrate a regularised sopor agenda and adopt thereto for a hebdomad.

I’m on it.

I think Trump said this the other day:

Well, no figure is privileged to individual hefty and whiten dentition from the change itself.

It had something to do with a one-state solution.

I’m sure something could be done about this. In fact, sometimes I get spam comments that reveal how to get rid of spam comments. Hire a criminal to solve a crime, I guess.

Spam was much better when it came with scrambled eggs.


If you’d like me to mail you a signed copy of Cowboys Come Home, or any of my other novels, you can find my address and instructions at (

(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)
(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)

I’ve written five novels and a collection of short stories. I’ve also written a number of books about sports, mostly about NASCAR. You can find most of them here.

(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)
(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)

The Kindle versions of my books, where available, can be found above. Links below are to print editions.

My new novel is a western, Cowboys Come Home. Two World War II heroes come home from the Pacific to Texas.

I’ve written a crime novel about the corrosive effects of patronage and the rise and fall of a powerful politician and his dysfunctional family, Forgive Us Our Trespasses.

I’ve written about what happens to a football coach when he loses everything, Crazy of Natural Causes. It’s a fable of life’s absurdity.

(Melanie Ryon cover design)
(Melanie Ryon cover design)

I’ve written a tale of the Sixties in the South, centered on school integration and a high school football team, The Intangibles.

(Joe Font cover design)
(Joe Font cover design)

I’ve written a rollicking yarn about the feds trying to track down and manipulate a national hero who just happens to be a pot-smoking songwriter, The Audacity of Dope.

I’ve written a collection of 11 short stories, all derived from songs I wrote, Longer Songs.


(Cover photo by Crystal Lynn)
(Cover photo by Crystal Lynn)

Follow me on Twitter @montedutton, @hmdutton (about writing), and/or @wastedpilgrim (more opinionated and irreverent). I’m on Facebook (Monte.Dutton), Instagram (TUG50), and Google-Plus (MonteDuttonWriter).





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