A Trucker, a Slugger, and a Bloodsucker

The new Captain Kirk.  (Monte Dutton sketch)
The new Captain Kirk. (Monte Dutton sketch)

Times are changing. The Republicans are acting like the Democrats. The Democrats are having a fine old time watching. Next week, I expect, the Democrats will act, in response, like Republicans used to.

And I’ll be glad that all I’ve got to do is vote.

By Monte Dutton (John Clark photo)
By Monte Dutton (John Clark photo)

I didn’t watch much of the GOP — when I was a little boy, I thought that must stand for Government of People instead of Grand Old Party — because there were more important activities to watch, such as the most interesting game Fenway Park is likely to host this year and trucks racing on dirt in behalf of God, country and Camping World.

I paid attention to what the Republicans were doing via Twitter, which is like Cosmo Kramer (of Seinfeld) hosting the NBC Nightly News.

C’mon and let me take you on a sea Cruz / Hoo-wee, hoo-wee, baby, hoo-wee, hoo-wee, baby …

I switched over while the Red Sox were changing pitchers for the fourth time and watched Mrs. Cruz being spirited out of the arena amid jostling and insults, and Donald Trump, looking like Broderick Crawford in All the King’s Men, waving bye-bye at Ted Cruz, looking like Christopher Lee in Dracula Has Rise from the Grave.

In Boston, an 8-0 lead had dwindled to 8-7. Near Rossburg, Ohio, Kyle Larson had gone from two laps down to take the lead. In Cleveland, thousands were booing a man for saying they should vote their conscience.

Hanley Ramirez hit home runs in his first two at-bats. In his third, a San Francisco pitcher beaned him. On the way to first, you could read Ramirez’s lips: I’m gonna get you. In his fourth trip to the plate, he homered off that right-hander, whose last name was Suarez. Crisis averted. The Red Sox won, 11-7.

I heard a good line this morning: The only thing in Washington disliked more than Ted Cruz is a cash bar.

Barack Obama marks the first time the United States has had a president younger than me. If Trump is elected, it will mark the first time the United States has elected a president who knows less than me.

That should make me feel proud. Somehow it doesn’t.

(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)
(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)

Stop by L&L Office Supply, 114 North Broad Street, Clinton and buy one of my novels. Buy either Forgive Us Our Trespasses or Crazy of Natural Causes, and you’ll get a volume of my short stories, Longer Songs, absolutely free. Tell ‘em Monte sent you, y’hear?

(Cover design by Jennifer Skutelsky)
(Cover design by Jennifer Skutelsky)

Kindle versions – you don’t have to have a Kindle, just a free app for your electronic devices – of most of my books are available here. Links to print copies are below.

Forgive Us Our Trespasses is the latest. It’s a tale about crooked politician who wants to be governor, whatever it takes, and another man trying to stop him. It’s outrageous.

Crazy of Natural Causes is about the fall and rise of Chance Benford, a Kentucky football coach who reinvents himself. It’s original.

(Melanie Ryon cover design)
(Melanie Ryon cover design)

The Intangibles is about the South in the 1960s, complete with racial strife, bigotry, resentment, cultural exchange and, of course, high school football.

(Crystal Lynn cover photo)
(Crystal Lynn cover photo)

The Audacity of Dope is the tale of Riley Mansfield, a pot-smoking songwriter turned national hero with a taste for the former and a distaste for the latter.

Longer Songs is a collection of 11 short stories that all began in songs I wrote.

Follow me at Facebook (Monte.Dutton), Twitter (@montedutton), Google+ (MonteDuttonWriter) and/or Instagram (Tug50).

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