As the song goes, I ain’t too proud to beg.
My novel, Crazy of Natural Causes, will be released on Tuesday, July 21. As these words are written, that’s several hours away. No matter how hard I try, I can’t possibly reach enough people to make it a success by that means alone. I’ve got about eight thousand people who follow me on social media, allowing for those who are Facebook friends (monte.dutton), or Twitter followers (@montedutton, @hmdutton, @wastedpilgrim), or on Instagram (Tug50), or Google+ (Monte Dutton), or my blogs (montedutton.com and wellpilgrim.wordpress.com) and for the overlap among those who note my exploits in multiple locations.
There may be several more locations I can’t recall right now. It’s a wonder I’ve got time to write novels.
Anyway, if all these people bought a copy of my novel, it would still not be enough for me to make a decent living from writing it, not to mention the next one, which is close to being ready for submission, but it would likely be unwise to get another one in the production hopper before this one has had its chance to shine.
Furthermore, it’s been rumored that not all my followers, friends, et al., are voracious readers. I’d like to think they’d be drawn into the irresistible orbit of my literary creations, but it would be folly to assume as much.
I need to work on literature’s multiplication tables, and the tables need to go further than 12X12=144. I need readers with calculators. I need readers squared, cubed and to the nth degree. I need geometric, algebraic, and trigonometric readers.
If you read this novel, I’m confident you will be captivated. Most readers have enjoyed my first two. There simply haven’t been enough of them.
I’m no pro at selling books. I just want to be one at writing them. I want dissemination to be a matter of spontaneous combustion. Chance Benford, the main character, is virile. I need him to go viral, which, by the way, he does in the novel.
Declaring my novel and, by extension, my career your personal charity would be a kind gesture. I’m not asking for much. Crazy only costs $3.49 at the moment, though Amazon and Kindle have the right and responsibility to charge whatever they want.
Buy my book. Read it. It’s not tax deductible because it isn’t and nor do I plan to make it a non-profit. That’s just been the experience so far.
The late comedian Jerry Clower used to tell a story about being drafted into the Army before he could join the Navy, which had been his intention. When he was being inducted, he had to be cleared by a psychiatrist. When asked about war, Clower told the shrink something along these lines.
“I want to take on the meanest, toughest one of them Japs, call him out and tell him to meet me out in them swamps, and I wanna fight him hand-to-hand, man-to-man, to the death, and see which one of us is the toughest and meanest of them all!”
The psychiatrist said to him, “Son, you’re crazy.”
Clower responded, “Write that down.”
If you like my novel, write it down. Give it some stars like it was a general. Write a few sentences, or even paragraphs, describing what you think of it. One piece of advice the Amazon folks have given me is that customer reviews help sales. Who knew?
Got a blog? Write one about my book. Retweet or share this. Tell your friends. Give it to one as a present. Hell, give it to two. It gets merrier with more.
It’s not much, three dollars and forty-nine cents. Writing a little blurb isn’t hard. It’s not nearly as hard as writing a novel, let alone three with another on the way.
To me, it’s the least I can ask. And I have to ask. It’s my ass on the line here.
Here’s where you can buy most of the other books I’ve written down through the years: http://www.amazon.com/Monte-Dutton/e/B005H3B144/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1416767492&sr=8-1